Packing

Swimsuits again

I had mentioned earlier that I probably needed to get a swimsuit that wasn't all stretched out, but I really didn't think anyone noticed.  But Today L told me that I needed to get a new suit.

I was like oh my goodness I am showing too much in the pool and she is embarrassed for me.  I looked down and finally asked her if it was coming down, maybe showing too much?  All she said was it needs to be tighter.

I guess my sagging body needs to be held in place.  I know that the swimsuits is stretched out, I wore it when I was 60 pounds heavier, but I thought it was holding up okay.  So I have a quandary.    Do I go a size smaller and stretch it out, because I am planning on losing another 40 pounds, or do I go with the same size?  I tried on a smaller size, I got it on and it seemed to be okay, but I am so use to wearing it a little loose now I don't know.  If it crawls up my butt it is too small.  I don't want to get in the pool and find out while swimming.  That just isn't fun.  Swimming your heart out with a wedgy.

I do have a swimsuit a size smaller that I wore before, but the seam is starting to be pulled taut.  I remember seeing a picture of a woman who had split her racing suit before her swim.  I don't want my swimsuit splitting.  What to do what to do.  I am not at goal, I don't want to buy any clothes, I was hoping they would hold up.  Ack...

Observations

One of the things that I have observed is that I am careful when I eat.  It is very important to me to have something to eat in the evening, and so I make sure that I have food left for the evening.  I still will occasionally go to the kitchen, but I am aware of it, and when I do I generally change directions to the tea kettle.

I also note that when I am craving food, if I have a bar the craving tends to go away.  Driving mom home from the casino I stopped and got her a hamburger, but before I did I ate a bar and I had no desire for the hamburger.

I have no cravings right now for sweets.  Maybe when you have just enough calories to survive on your body takes over and craves foods with nutrients rather than - what?  Quick energy?

I feel guilty after eating real food.  I think I am cheating or something and I worry that I have the calories wrong, or I am eating too much.  Even with putting the ingredients into my fitness pal I still worry that I have it wrong.

A single serving of chicken I bought was 6 ounces, I was going to eat it all, but I only ate half.  I was full, I ate lots of veggies, and couldn't eat the whole 6 ounces.  I was very surprised how much I liked the veggies, steamed with nothing.

Eat your veggies first.  I have always eaten in the order of what I don't want to what I want.  Sometimes I couldn't eat all of what I wanted, but most of the times it wasn't a issue.  Now with the shrinking of the stomach (who said your stomach doesn't shrink?) you really do get overfull.

It is really really hard to find food that does not have some oil in it.  I am curious what it will be like with oil?  The smell of oil in fast foods doesn't smell that awesome.

I am becoming a bit of a food nazi?  Not yet, but it might happen.  I found myself telling T to put the damn waffles back.  Not pretty.

A new day

Well for all who have followed me, I am now on a new quest.  I am planning on riding across the country, and I decided that I should really start training for it. 

I started out going to Colorado to get some "hill" training.  I was so proud I rode some monster hill (at least they were for me), but when I got back, I - well I don't know what I did, but I couldn't swim and I couldn't ride. 

So much for getting ready starting first of September.  Six months to get in shape - Yikes.  Now I only have five months.  Double yikes!!!

So I am starting out again.  October 1st.  I went for a bike ride and I picked the flattest ride I could find.  Hmm.  It would have been really easy if I didn't have to ride back into a headwind.  Though it wasn't as bad as it has been (about 10 knots - I know I know that is barely a breeze but for me it was more like a gale)  but I was glad when it was done.  Let's see - hill - wind- hill - wind.  It is a toss up.

But the worse part of it was the minute I got on the bike I had to go to the bathroom.  Okay fine I started in a park so they have bathrooms in the park, but - like - not what I would call clean.  But the good news is India taught me how to use bathrooms not up to my five star standards.  Which I think will do me good on this upcoming trip. 

Tomorrow another ride (hmm - hill or wind) I will let you know. 

The Emperor has new clothes

I swim in a "swim dress" because I have very flabby thighs and I am vain.  So I decided that it was going to be Bakar today, and I grabbed a suit hanging up.  I didn't think much about it, but I did think it did look a little faded.

I put it on and thought to myself, boy this hangs low.  It came to mid thigh, but I didn't think anything about it.  I can swim in this puppy mid thigh or not.

So in the water I got.  Half way through my warm up it felt like maybe it was more then mid thigh, maybe it was more of a maxi dress then a mini dress.  But I decided to keep swimming because well it was drag.  Make a person strong.

But as I swam more, it seemed to get lighter rather then heavier.  Yikes, I thought to myself, my dress is coming off leaving only the suit (yes there is a suit under the dress) on.  I kept stopping to see if I still had the dress part on.  It seemed to be still hanging on, but maybe by just a thread.  But then I felt alot of cloth but not a lot of weight.  I was confused, but by now I decided maybe swimming today was not the what I really wanted to do.

I got out of the pool and the dress was still on, but yes it was hanging down almost to my ankles.  So I grabbed my towel and went to the shower room.  As I passed the mirror I saw that I had no back.  The dress had separated from the back so all the dress was in front - to my ankles.

Oh well.  That suit did its job up to the end.  But from here on out - I am going to be checking those dresses!!!

Swim/Bike/Walk

I am seeking the perfect balance - well sort of.  I struggle daily with food, and sometimes I just fail.  So to make the failures less I try and balance it with - exercise.  But I am not exercising to eat.  Not really.  I am exercising to be the best.  The best bike rider the best swimmer and the fastest walker.  In the world - well no.  But a girl can dream.

My motto has always been if you didn't win then you lost.  I mean winning is everything - everything.  Being the fastest swimmer in a small pond is much better then being the slowest swimmer in a large pond.  But sometimes you have to lose, sometimes you just have to migrate to those larger ponds.

LZ worked my little (or large) butt off today.  I know when I have workouts with her that it is going to hurt.  I dread Tuesdays and Thursdays mornings.  I can't seem to be able to keep up, be as fast as she wants.  She will say we will do these on the 2:30 and I will not get done until 2:32, and then I feel I failed her.  And sometimes I think I just won't try.  If I just don't try on the first one, then she won't know I not trying on all the others.  But it isn't in me to do that.  If she tells me to go 80% I try and go 80% even though I know that she is going to have me do the last one at 100%, and I won't be able to keep that pace up.  So when I do 80% and keep doing it, by the time she asks for 100% I can't do the 80% time.

But I keep trying, I keep getting in the pool and keep thinking  I am too exhausted and just want to stop.  But then I think I just have to do this for half an hour.  That is it.  Half an hour of pain.  Every Tuesday and Thursday.  Yet I wouldn't give up my Tuesday and Thursday for anything.  

Changing title of blog

I didn't have enough adventures in swimming to keep the post going, so instead I am searching for good or bad - John Galt...

John Galt Speech

For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life.